In my conversation with Adrianne, the thing I really took out of all of this was that frankly it shouldn’t matter, there is nothing inherently wrong with being ‘cocky’. You really should be able to know your self worth and admit it.
Recently I’ve noticed a frustrating trend. I’ve worked diligently to ensure that I am posting daily blogs, and 3x weekly vlogs as well as bi-weekly podcasts and essays. I’m making it a point to utilize Twitter more and working to use Facebook more, and ultimately continuing work to grow my brand to its greatest potential. But this has come at a cost, in terms of my literary output. I spend so much of my time working on avenues to get my name out there and get my brand out there that I’m not actually doing the one thing that I desperately need to do to make all of this even worth the effort.
Mostly I am writing every day in the form of blog posts, or essays or ideas for things, but the novel writing, the part that is why I’m doing any of this has slowed considerably, and it makes me wonder, is platform building worth it, if it comes at the cost of me actually writing?
I feel like I’ve had this existential crisis before, but I still haven’t figured out the answer. I want to believe that I can have both in tandem with one another, building a platform while also continuing to write novels, but the evidence thus far is showing that less and less. The more I do one, the less I seem to do the other. Finding that balance has become increasingly tricky and I can’t help but wonder if something will fall by the wayside in the process.
One of my goals for 2017 was initially to try not to let little things get to me, which needless to say has been largely unsuccessful thus far.
Not for nothing though, this particular story really stuck in my craw and pissed me off so much that I decided I wanted to talk about it here.
Back in the early-2000’s Perez Hilton made a name for himself outing celebrities, talking shit about celebrities, and just generally being really toxic. Somewhere in the last few years however, we’ve come to realize that actually outing people is super gross, and thankfully it’s something that a lot of people look at for what it is, really fucking gross and shady. Unless you’re like some website that shoots pictures of Caitlyn mid-transition then it’s totally fair game, because obviously while it’s totally gross to out gay people trans people are fair game. Which brings me to the crux of this story.
This past week on a (game-show?) called Survivor (I didn’t even know this shit was still running), a contestant decided to go for broke and out a fellow contestant as a trans man. Because… nothing says I’m desperate to stay in the competition than throwing someone under the bus for their gender identity.
Luckily (if you can call it that) the show’s host made it a point to basically tell the guy hey that’s not fucking cool, but now this person who spoiler alert didn’t want his business all over the universe now has to talk about this because… why would anyone ever let this go?
Some people, (shitty people) would likely suggest that if he didn’t want his business all over the world then he shouldn’t have gone on reality tv. To those people I say… shut up and have a seat.
And I wish I had a megaphone to say this:
TRANS PEOPLE DO NOT OWE YOU THEIR HISTORY!
This is really really important.
Just because you’re going on reality television, does not mean every cavity or pap-smear is suddenly up for public consumption. A person’s transition is a personal and private decision (occasionally a medical one) and spoiler alert no one is required to give you their complete medical history in order to be a contestant on a game show/ reality competition.
And really, WHO FUCKING CARES IF HE’S TRANS?!
How does that impede his ability to be on tv?
It wasn’t just that he outed this guy either, it’s that he did so, claiming that he was lying and hiding by not disclosing his trans-ness.
Don’t play that asinine you’re lying if your trans trope.
Newsflash, you don’t get to decide for people what their gender is. Just because you don’t agree with who a person is doesn’t give you the right to tell the world.
I don’t care if you are bffs with a trans person, that doesn’t inherently give you the right to out them to everyone you know. If they give you permission that’s one thing, but it’s nobodies damn business for you to just share with the world.
A few weeks ago, I attempted a multi-tasking feat which I dubbed Design with Me a vlog in which I would finish up the graphic design work on my website -–that was still in progress at the time—and make a vlog at the same time, in the vein of ‘Get Ready With Me’ style videos. A way in which to kill two birds with one stone with good old multi-tasking. I didn’t need much active thought to make design choices, but attempting to formulate my thoughts as I did so, proved immediately difficult, and ultimately I ended up not speaking as I worked to finish the designs, proving that this particular idea was not as brilliant as I’d otherwise hoped.
This doesn’t necessarily mean multi-tasking is impossible, but there’s something to be said for the conversation around whether or not multi-tasking isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. We want to believe we can successfully do multiple things at once. It’s important to us to believe that multi-tasking is possible, because it means that we can be extra productive in our lives, and really isn’t that what life is all about? How productive we are? As someone who constantly feels like there isn’t enough hours in the day in which to complete various tasks and projects, and who is working to follow a schedule for creating, in order to help with the struggle of ‘writer’s block’ there’s a certain desire to make multi-tasking work for me. There’s a deep seeded necessity to utilize and multiply the time that I have with multi-tasking. The problem is, for the most part it doesn’t really work that way. There’s a big difference between listening to YouTube while you put on makeup or do homework, and trying to write something while you hold a conversation, watch tv, and text your friend. Inevitably things get pushed to the back burner. You’ll say a thought for the story or type what you’re talking about into the story/blog. One thing will take precedent as much as you don’t want it too. Distractions abound, there have been many instances where I’ve been attempting to write something or work on something while having a conversation with another person and inevitably, the conversation will take over and I’ll end up behind from where I otherwise would have been.
Perhaps this is just my problem, but what I’m learning about multi-tasking these days is, it isn’t as easy as it seems, and sometimes devoting your full attention to a task is better than trying to do too many things at once. What about you? Is there something to be said for multi-tasking or is it not what it claims to be?
Over the last few weeks I’ve steadily been trying to get more and more into exploring alternative means to spread my trans goddess agenda across the land. While for years blogging was my main source for spreading this message, increasingly I’ve wanted to explore more vocal and visual avenues, namely podcasting and vlogging. This week while recording a vlog I discovered something interesting I hadn’t considered before. By expressing my thoughts in a vocal manner I had touched upon an answer to a question I was struggling to overcome, how to balance my newfound love of vlogging and podcasting with my general writing schedule and work schedule. I had noticed that with my ever increasing presence in outlets I had not previously explored, my writing was beginning to suffer in the process.
How was I to balance everything and somehow attempt to have any kind of work-life balance?
Record vlogs on Saturday.
As I wrote down the thought after I’d finished filming, more thoughts had come to me. Friday and Saturday are my days off from my day job, meaning that these would be the best days to do the majority of my creative work. Sundays were the easiest days to record podcasts, but they could be edited on Friday to be posted on Saturday. The vlogs would be recorded on Saturdays for the week, edited on Sunday and posted on their respective days. And the same would go for blog posts and essays, leaving me Monday-Thursday at the very least to work on novels, (both reading and writing).
It was such a simple concept I could almost hardly believe it had taken so long to come up with. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t done such things before, but for whatever reason, it was only when I vocalized my thoughts through my vlog that I was able to reach the most obvious conclusion to my problem.