Dating While Trans

days2 copyI’ve tried to write this post a number of times now, but as one of the most difficult and unique issues in the trans community it’s sort of difficult to know exactly where to begin. For many in the trans community, dating, can be difficult at best, and harrowing at worst. If you happen to be a trans person (particularly a trans woman) who can find someone who loves you, and who supports you regardless of your gender identity, it’s kind of rare. So needless to say I was more than a little terrified at the idea of dating for a long time. In fact, I had planned basically not to do it until my transition was complete.

Unfortunately what I’ve come to learn is that, that doesn’t always help the issue of dating while trans. Interestingly while crime against people who are transgender has gone up, and the dating issue still hasn’t been solved, the proliferation of trans centered pornography has skyrocketed in recent years. Curiously it would seem many men are interested in seeing us sexually, but when it comes to anything deeper, that somehow threatens their masculinity. Not every man is like this mind, it’s a rare man that is secure enough in himself to date a trans woman. Rest assured, they are out there. There are plenty of men who are love us and want to be with us, and not just the usual chaser crowd either. Men who want us in a real way, not just for our bodies.

I feel very fortunate in this respect, and I know that sadly this isn’t the case for all trans women. Needless to say, the need for men to be able to say unashamedly that they are attracted to trans women and further, to not be ridiculed by their peers for admitting said attraction is paramount.

5 thoughts on “Dating While Trans

  1. Than you for writing this – as I know your experiences are similar to so many other trans women. I am a bi cis woman whose fiancée is a trans woman who I used to date many many years ago in high school many years before transitioning. She and I recently connected after a 15 year separation and she has told me so many times how surprised she is that anyone would love her, date her, be attracted to her- I’ve realized that this is such a theme in the trans community. As someone who loves her- her trans status means nothing to me and I love her and am attracted to her for who she is inside and out – so yes! Date! Meet Ppl! The love of your life is out there waiting to meet you and love you too

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    • Thank you. This is a really beautiful story and I really appreciate you sharing it with me, I definitely have had the feeling of like how is anyone actually into me, but I’m starting to accept it, and I’m working to embrace it, because I know I’m beautiful, and it’s important for all women to see that.

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      • Ps: our story is actually the topic of my blog if ever want to know the ups and downs of the other side of the relationship 😉 (aka mine- lol)

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  2. Just like all women feel (cis or trans) we all have issues related to how we look. Putting yourself out there is hard, even harder if your trans, I can’t even pretend to understand myself. But know this – true love – true and honest love, attraction, emotional and sexual intimacy are out there – and you will find the right person.

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